Things Britney Spears shouldn’t have done.

  • Procreated. Sean Preston Federline and Jayden James Federline aren’t going to be raised well.
  • Named her children. I could have done that for her. For free*.
  • Attacked a car with an umbrella. That’s totally Rihanna’s beat.
  • Drugs. What? You didn’t know?
  • “Sung” the song If You Seek Amy. There are synths that sound more human than that vocal.
  • Shaved her head. Yeah that was weird.
  • Used caged animals as props. Angering PETA is bad karma. Really bad.
*Just so you know, I would do it for you. If you asked.

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